Jumping on the Bandwagon...
Oct. 15th, 2007 11:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
choccoweebleFinally recovered from the Lalenth Lurgy, hurrah!
Well I've never written poetry before. Tried and failed many times. But since we are all at it here goes.
Please let me know what you think (I know it's not very original) - constructive criticism welcome, as I want to get better. Esme can't be outdone by the rest of the family!!
You are the one
The one who makes my heart take flight
My sunny morn
My stary night
My Autumn leaf fall
Winds that blow
My Springtime rain
And Winter’s snow
The deer in the dappled glade
The glistening morning dew
The Huntsworn evening sunset’s glow
Its warm and rosy hue
The shadow of the trees at dusk
The gentle Mara’s flow
My dream, my heart, my thought, my song
I wish that I could show
To you the pureness of my love
And that is what I try
To do by reaching in the dark
And you’ll see by and by
I cannot merely sit and wait
My soul is screaming out
For you, your love, your heart, your lips
If only I could shout
It from the rooftops of Lalenth
For one and all to hear
And as the dusk closed in around
To feel you drawing near
To take me gently in your arms
And show you love me too
For now, forever, trust, rejoice
In love so pure and true
Well I've never written poetry before. Tried and failed many times. But since we are all at it here goes.
Please let me know what you think (I know it's not very original) - constructive criticism welcome, as I want to get better. Esme can't be outdone by the rest of the family!!
You are the one
The one who makes my heart take flight
My sunny morn
My stary night
My Autumn leaf fall
Winds that blow
My Springtime rain
And Winter’s snow
The deer in the dappled glade
The glistening morning dew
The Huntsworn evening sunset’s glow
Its warm and rosy hue
The shadow of the trees at dusk
The gentle Mara’s flow
My dream, my heart, my thought, my song
I wish that I could show
To you the pureness of my love
And that is what I try
To do by reaching in the dark
And you’ll see by and by
I cannot merely sit and wait
My soul is screaming out
For you, your love, your heart, your lips
If only I could shout
It from the rooftops of Lalenth
For one and all to hear
And as the dusk closed in around
To feel you drawing near
To take me gently in your arms
And show you love me too
For now, forever, trust, rejoice
In love so pure and true
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 05:20 pm (UTC)Nice poem "Esme". I think you should ask Litara to illuminate it..she is having fun thinking up pictures at the moment for Kerrigan's stuff.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 08:10 am (UTC)However, since you asked for feedback, soley in my opinion and trying not to get too, er, poncey about it , the layout is possibly not ideal. From around the fourth/fifth verse; the break implies that the fourth is "done" and fairly self-contained (as the verses all are up to that point), but the fifth then follows on from it as if it's in mid-verse, which breaks the flow a little. This then seems to happen for the rest of the poem. After a couple of minutes I can't think of a better way to lay it out though.